Lessons Learned Along the Way

Life is a series of lessons taught to us, and then using those lessons to move our path forward. I've learned many things over the last almost seven years. These things have been hard lessons and have taken me down painful pathways, yet I've learned a lot about others and how that looks and feels for me. This year has been a year of growth, and with that growth comes hard decisions and the continued loneliness that is grief. I've continued formulating my path, which has always been the way it is. Grief isn't something one does with others; it is more of a parallel journey. With my discoveries through the Grief Recovery Method of how loss impacts not just life but the physical parts of us, I've had to take a long hard look at how I move through grief and loss. In many ways, it has given me space not to hold others hostage to my feelings and allowed me to have some grace for them. Still, it also has given me the understanding that processing our losses is complicated, and many don't have the tools to unpack their grief/loss.

I'm also trying to figure out how one processes the loss of community, not just from the loss of your child but also from the failure of unmet expectations. This time (my son's death and the pandemic) has shown me what I've always felt: we're alone. My attitude has been the downside of loss, and it has allowed flaws in myself to be multiplied, and that has caused great judgment of myself and others. The Grief Recovery Method has helped me see the things I wish had been different, better, or more, and has released me from the feelings that come with undelivered communication.

For this reason, I've been so grateful to have the tools I need to process my hopes, dreams, and expectations, which are the primary source of my pain. I will continue to think through what I wish had been different, better, or more with my relationship with others and reflect on the changes it has brought me.

Grief Recovery is for anyone who has suffered grief or loss of any kind. For more on groups that are starting in April, click on the link https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/grms/dawn-kincade

My Word for 2022

Resolve

1. settle or find a solution to (a problem, dispute, or contentious matter).

2. decide firmly on a course of action.

3. firm determination to do something. ~braveness~courage~spunk~steadfastness~persistence

Since Evan's untimely death, I've tried each new year to find a word that moves me into that coming year with the fortitude to continue the course Jesus has given me. Sometimes the word has popped out at me, and other times I've struggled to find the word. I then use that word to formulate a hashtag to track the year with its share of ups and downs. Above is the word that came to me for this year~Resolve. After the last two years, I am going into this year with the noun version of this word~braveness, courage, grit, and steadfastness. I resolve to live the life that God intended me to live, and I will continue to not live in fear of its outcome for me.

In years past while taking Christmas down, I watch the movie "Out of Africa." I started this tradition the last few years as it has come to symbolize the resolve I need to move forward and it speaks to the enormity of grief and loss I've endured. Towards the end of the movie, the female character who has lost everything many times over the course of the movie tells the male main character that when she wants to realize just how much she can endure, she imagines one more thing that can happen, and she's able to see just how much she can bear. She then, days later, endures another loss. It is poignant, and I can tell you that yesterday when I watched it, I remembered all that I've had to endure this year and over the last few years.

Yesterday was incredibly emotional for me for many reasons. Some dear friends came by yesterday to bring flowers and to thank me for helping with their wedding, and I cried when they arrived and cried after they left. Weeks and months of planning their wedding and all of that as I look through my lens of grief and loss as I resolve to be brave and courageous into 2022.