Bereaved Mother's Day

Today marks my seventh year acknowledging Bereaved Mother's Day, the first Sunday in May. Much has changed since I first wrote a blog about bereaved motherhood. How that feels as I look at this day and all the many people I know and who I've met over the seven years who have lost a child, either through miscarriage or premature childhood death or adult children that have passed away, I know for a certainty that this was not a club that I joined voluntarily nor is it one others would join on their own. Although time has passed, I feel, on some level, that I've turned a corner. My enormous feelings are still just as acute and just as honest as they were on that first Mother's Day without Evan. There has been much that I have tried to regain through counseling and the completion of my relationship with Evan through the Grief Recovery Method; as Mother's Day approaches, the missing him is not different; that feels the same, and no amount of counseling or processing or logic will change that. My fond memories and my love will last a lifetime.

To all the moms I've met along this path, thank you for being a voice of encouragement to me. Thank you for seeing me and sharing your love for your child with me. I'm grateful for your friendship and your acquaintance. In general, grieving parents are misunderstood. To a world that wishes for us to be OK, we are OK. We have someone we love very much, our child, die, and until you can feel that pain, it's challenging to understand. We don't need pity, and we don't need fixing. We need to share our story and to be listened to. You may have moved on about our child, but we haven't, and not speaking about them tells us a lot. I'm grateful for the training I've gone through with The Grief Recovery Method. It has given me the new tools I need to help others experiencing loss and allowed me to be available for them to share their story and complete their losses. I'm thinking of you on this Bereaved Mother's Day.

The Hard Work of Grief

The cold winter winds are starting to warm just a little through the warmth; I still get the chills from February breezes. As the year started, I began a Grief Recovery group. It has been my heart to use my training to help those who have suffered loss to communicate their undelivered emotional communications.

What I've learned is that grief is cumulative and cumulatively negative. As I've observed, all the classes begin with faces filled with vulnerability, despair, and deep sadness. At the onset, we discuss the old tools we use to manage our losses. I help them understand those tools to recognize them in not only their current losses but their past losses too. Then the remaining weeks are spent learning and activating new tools to help them understand and complete their losses. We learn about how time doesn't heal, but time and correct actions heal. We learn about how completion does not mean forgetting. When we take the steps toward completion, we make room for memories filled with joy, hope, and love.

I speak from a place of understanding. This last week it became clear to the participants that they have taken the steps and are moving towards completing their losses. I can see it not just in how they look but also in their lightness, and it's remarkable. I'm privileged to partner with these beautiful souls who have trusted me with their hearts. If you want to join me, I have classes in March and can help one-on-one too. Will you trust me to help you with your broken heart? Let me be for you "a heart with ears." Grief Recovery Dawn Kincade

Here comes the rain...oh, wait, those are tears...Welcome, Fall.

The rain has come to Northern California; with it, the cooler weather has made me melancholy and brought a movement away from the pool-splashing days of summer into the cool crisp days of Fall. This year seems different. I'm trying to understand what's shifted and don't have the words yet to describe it, but it might have something to do with the grief training I've gone through and the completion of my loss with my mom and Evan. Although I have many other completions to do, my mom and Evan have significantly impacted the healing of my broken heart.

Recovery, for me, does not mean forgetting. On the contrary, recovery means remembering fond memories of those I love, thinking about them daily, and healing my heart from the emotional pain loss brings. I can confidently say that my training and understanding of completing my losses have been a game changer for me. Grief is cumulative, and when we realize loss's impact on us, it can transform if we allow ourselves the time and space to unpack it so we can heal. It starts with being fully honest and not criticizing or judging ourselves. It opens the door to being empathic and compassionate for ourselves and others who may be grieving. It also can be heartbreaking when you see people's pain, yet they cannot take the steps towards recovery.

As someone who has been a part of the small group movement, I've seen growth in myself. People's desire to change is genuine until a day and time are announced, and all of a sudden, obstacles start to arise. I recognize them cause I've seen that behavior in myself. I'm grateful that we ask people to commit to 1% of their recovery as part of the program. If you are willing to take a step toward what I can offer, I can bring the elements that can transform and help. I began my pilot group, and we just completed our 4th week of our gatherings. These folks not only have showed up they have begun to do the hard grief work that can lead them to the completion of their losses. I'm fortunate to have a program I can believe in and that I can share with others. I'm grateful for this group of grievers who have allowed me to walk with them as they begin to discover and heal. It is a privilege.

Being a Heart with Ears...The Grief Recovery Method

“Grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss of any kind.” TGRM

I recently returned from training as a Grief Recovery Specialist for The Grief Recovery Method, and as I promised, I wanted to share the experience in more than just a quick post. It was an experience that changed me, and I came away with great tools to help myself and others deliver undelivered emotional communications to complete the losses we have in our lives.

First, I have to preface this: I've tried many different programs, from faith-based programs to books and videos. None of those things brought me to the place I am today after completing the book and the training. I desire to use what I've learned to help others feel lighter and more complete with their loss/grief in a group or one-on-one.

I entered this training after a friend posted about the program on her Facebook page. The church she attended was hosting an 8-week class, and unfortunately, that class was located in SoCal. I looked on the website and found that the closest in-person class from Vacaville was in Reno, which was too far for me to attend. I reached out to my friend in SoCal, and she directed me to the Grief Recovery Specialist she knew, and the discovery process began for me. After that conversation with the Grief Recovery Specialist, I decided to get the book. I found another friend interested in doing the book with me, and in February, she and I started the book together and finished the book together in March. I felt strongly about continuing to help others as the book helped me so much, so I signed up for the specialist training in LA.

The work in Grief Recovery isn't easy. Emotional Communication is incomplete when we use our intellect to explain what is in the heart. Me, I felt isolated, frustrated, and misunderstood, so I returned to old behavior patterns. The Grief Recovery Method helped me recognize the patterns and, with that recognition, work on those painful feelings so that I could deliver the incomplete communication to complete my loss. I still have work to do and will continue to do the work on myself. I can say with absolute clarity that this program has changed me. It has given me a clear understanding of how much my grief and the losses I've had has slowly chipped away at who I am. My 100% is now operating at 60% or less, and I want myself back. I want to live the rest of my days complete and fulfilled. For those who are interested, don't hesitate to get in touch with me directly. I plan a pilot group shortly and would love to have you. I hope this was helpful, and I'm available to chat anytime.