As I continue down the road of grief I am struck by the things that take me from such great joy to weepy tears. I'm not even sure how to quantify it or give it a number on a scale. I spend a lot of time reading and listening to books. As I've shared in other posts I am listening to a book on Heaven and a book on waiting. Both of these areas in my life have been a struggle. Kinda like that kid that wants to be president at the place that they work even before they learn how to count back change at the register. As I've said in previous blogs Heaven has always been abstract to me and because my faith points me to Jesus and the bible I don't really want to speculate about it. I want to know what the bible says as that is foundational...my center. On top of reading/listening to many books I am attending a faith-based small group on grief called Grief Share. All these things keep me a float...keep me moving...processing. They keep me reaching out to grasp what is really not something you can grasp. So what it does is give me strength. It gives me Faith to look beyond what I can see and it gives me Hope that what I think and believe are Truth and that at some point it will bring peace and understanding.

Roads are a funny thing. I've spent most of the summer on the road either on the east coast or west coast but always on the road. I went on a road trip this last weekend and we had times on this trip where the highway was smoothly paved. The road noise was minimal. You could hear the stereo in the car without having to crank it up and the skies were clear....smooth sailing so to speak. We then had places where the road was so rough from years of weather and chains from vehicles that you could not even hear yourself think. You couldn't hear the radio. You couldn't even have a conversation as the noise in the car was so loud and storms that nearly blinded you as you drove down country roads in the dark. Sometimes you turn down a road that you think is the right one and all of a sudden you are at a dead end. You make a plan that you are going to leave at a certain time. You stop just to get food and go to the bathroom no extra stops just to realize it took you about the same amount of time as it did when you enjoyed the journey. Stopped and looked at the sights. Made memories and took your time.

I share all of this because grief is very similar to the road trips I've been on and to be perfectly honest life is this way as well. It takes me to places I didn't want to go. Sometimes I enjoy where I'm going and the effects of it leave me refreshed and my burden is lightened. Sometimes the noise is so loud I can't hear what is being said to me and I zone out. Sometimes I just want to get home...to do it my way. I forget about all the beauty that is around me and if I had just stopped...walked around...and practiced pondering I would have gotten home in just the right amount of time and enjoyed the journey.

Evan, we love and miss you so very much. Every memory is bittersweet and filled with the what if's and why not's. As I travel this road I hope to have less of those questions but for now...It is September and that means that you have been gone 10 months....but really it is for eternity. e·ter·ni·ty əˈtərnədē/ ~ noun ~ infinite or unending time.

http://www.visitcalifornia.com/attraction/sundial-bridge

https://www.amazon.com/Real-Heaven-What-Bible-Actually/dp/0801016134

https://www.amazon.com/Wait-See-Finding-Peace-Pauses/dp/0781413559

http://albanycarousel.com

Each Summer for the last few years I have had the privilege of taking my parents to my Dad's family reunion in Pennsylvania. Every year it is held in the small town of Altoona, nestled at the bottom of the beautiful Allegheny Mountains. It is also the next door neighbor to Holidaysburg, the home of the Slinky http://americanprofile.com/articles/home-of-the-slinky/ Both of my parents are from Altoona, which got a mention in the movie "Flashdance" and is home to the World Famous Horseshoe Curve. http://www.railroadcity.com/visit/world-famous-horseshoe-curve/. This year it was really sweet to have my mom with me in the car as we drove through old neighborhoods and heard stories of her childhood.

My dad, started his career with the Pennsylvania railroad in Altoona, after returning from serving in the Navy, on a submarine. It has been such a great experience for me to travel with them for so many reasons but the best reason is I have such fond memories of my visits to Altoona as a child. Both sets of grandparents lived and died here and it has been a beautiful thing to experience with my parents the place they have always known as "Home".

This year, it was important for me to capture the moments not just with photos but with stories of my parents and their lives. To know the different yet interconnected ways that they saw themselves and how their siblings saw them. My son mentioned to me an app called https://storycorps.org which allows you the ability to interview people and take photos of the interview participants with your smartphone or tablet. The quality of the recording is great and you can send the interview content to the American Folklife Center at the Library of Congress to keep forever.

Another great thing about these journeys has been to reconnect with my cousins, aunts, uncle and to just be family. My Aunt, who has always been the organizer of these reunions, is having a harder time getting around. She has done such a great job of organizing these reunions and I so appreciate her desire to have the family come together. Although it was a hard trip for my parents we had the best time. My father looks forward to this all year long and he needed this time of connection as he was given a terminal diagnosis just two weeks prior to us leaving. This time spent with his siblings. nieces and nephew was so important for him. We again made the journey....traveling along the Blue Ridge Mountain and over the Allegheny Mountains....continuing to make memories as we go.

My Dad's Navy snapshot. This is not my photo but a scanned copy. Photo credit to the Navy.

My Mom as a young girl. This is not a photo that I took. This is a scanned copy of an original that photo.

This is the place is the home that my maternal grandmother lived for most of her days. I remember as a child looking out the window seat on the second floor and watching the traffic and sometimes the snow fall outside.

My Dad's childhood home.

Stained Glass Window

This window is so vivid for me from childhood. My grandparents home was so dark but this window would allow rays of color into the house and bright up the foyer.

The grave marker of my maternal grandparents in Altoona, PA.

Headstone of my paternal grandparents. Photo credit goes to my cousin Michelle. Thank you!

My childhood friend..

This is my oldest and dearest friend. We have known each other since 6th grade. The sweet baby in this photo is her granddaughter who I had the pleasure of photographing when she was born last year. Such a blessing for her to see my parents.

My Aunt Joyce.

My cousins and Uncle looking at old photos.

My Dad and Aunt.

The couple standing are my Aunt Donna and Uncle Gene. My Aunt Joyce is to the left, my mom is in the middle, my dad to the right. My parents just celebrated 60 years of marriage this last Memorial Day weekend and my Aunt Donna and Uncle Gene got married the same year one week later at the same church as my folks in Winchester, VA.

Talking and watching the Olympics in the lobby.

One of the many places along Interstate 81 where apples are a big Fall crop.

Mayberry, VA.