My Real Highlight Reel...My Word for 2023

The end of the year always brings highlights from the year we're leaving with bright hopes for the year ahead. I always love to see what those highlights look like and when I get ready to do mine, I'm always disappointed by what the algorithm chose for my "highlights." It's always difficult for an app to know what made my day and what got a lot of likes. In my economy, likes don't always equate to making my heart happy.

As I closed out the year, my word for 2022 was the noun version of Resolve-firm determination to do something. Similar words to resolve are braveness~courage~spunk~steadfastness~persistence

I'm looking back fondly because this word was the very essence of my year. I was persistent in understanding grief and all of the things that grief has taught me. I spent the year taking the information I've learned over several years of loss, pursuing what I've gleaned, and getting the training with the grief recovery method that has me moving into the next thing God has for me.

I've decided on my word for 2023 and just ordered my one little word piece.

My Word for 2023 is Inspire - to influence or impel, to give inspiration to, to produce or arouse (a feeling, thought, etc.). Other similar words are educate-enrich-enlighten-transform-nurture. As I move into 2023 with newfound information on grief and loss, I hope to Inspire others to feel their feelings and to process and complete their losses. I’m wondering…what is your word for 2023?? Happy New Year!!

Milestones and a Rebranding

This week marks two years since my last radiation treatment, and most say I’ve been cancer-free. My heart always hesitates to say that, as cancer is tricky. Cancer, for me anyway, always seems to be lurking in the background. I’m thankful for the medical technology that has allowed me to have the treatments I need. I’m also grateful that I live in a country where I have the choices I do medically to decide what I need or want and the freedom I still have to choose. So with those choices, I have fulfilled my desire to help others as they navigate not just grief but losses of any kind, including loss of health.

I rebooted my brand earlier this year after training in Grief Recovery. I decided to do a new logo and take a look at what I want to accomplish on this side of loss. So I had photos done of myself, and I wanted a logo that communicated what I wanted to bring to those suffering loss. You can’t use old keys to open new doors. So I want to give people tools/keys so that they have what they need to complete their loss. Photography will still be a tool I use to express my feelings and to help others capture life. It just will play a supporting role now. I want to thank Kristen McGregor for her graphic artist skills and Lynda Kennedy Photography for her branding photography.

I want to thank my husband, who always sees the vast potential in me that I often overlook. To my son Alex who has also been a cheerleader and support on the days when I felt like I could not see the good, you are my sunshine. To all the health professionals who have cared for me during these last two years but even before that, I’m grateful for your heart and skills. To my family and friends, I’m glad to have you in my corner; although I know, sometimes it can be exhausting, thanks for standing with me. Finally, to Evan, I’m unsure if the stress of your passing had anything to do with my cancer as we are finding more research saying that our bodies keep the score when we are suffering loss/grief. Still, you are one of my best motivators to help others in their suffering. Thanks for that. We miss you every day!

More to come as I start the work on my website and continue facilitating The Grief Recovery Method in my community. I’ve added a link if you want to join in the new year. https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/content/valley-church-1673487900

Turning the Page

In January of 2022, my word for the year was Resolve.

Resolve

1. settle or find a solution to (a problem, dispute, or contentious matter).

2. decide firmly on a course of action.

3. firm determination to do something. ~braveness~courage~spunk~steadfastness~persistence

When I chose that word for 2022, I had no idea that the year ahead would set me on the course I am now on and, I believe, the reason I can move toward the future.

While on Facebook in January, I found a friend's post about a Grief Recovery program. I shared this in a recent blog.Being a Heart with Ears

So in August, I decided to pursue polishing my "brand," so to speak. With newly acquired training in the Grief Recovery Method, I plan to make grief recovery part of what I want to share with the world, with photography being the expression that I share that connects me to nature and people. As a person grieving, I want to hold space for others trying to understand loss and all the feelings associated with grief.

So I began the process of fine-tuning my website and having photos taken of myself with a photographer. For me, this was a big step. To trust the process of branding myself with others is what I thought would be fun and easy (it started that way), but as the days leading up to the photo shoot came, I could feel myself wanting to scream at the top of my lungs "why are you doing this?" and loads of other questions and doubts. I can say with some certainty that it was grief. These step towards the future was me mourning the loss of what I was; to a rebranded me.

In thinking about that process, I saw myself looking back, and the secondary losses of the last six years came RUSHING back, and I was overwhelmed with big emotions. All of us are grievers, and we are experiencing that grief at 100%. So for me to articulate this experience to the average reader, it can get lost, and it's ok. This is just my journey, and I share it to give understanding and to invite you into the process.

On the day of the shoot, I had a text from a dear friend whose photos motivated me to reach out to the photographer who did my photos. Even thinking of that exchange with my friend is very emotional. She is more family than a friend, but her words helped me process my big emotions and talk me off the ledge. The day was filled with tears for many reasons that I've yet to process entirely, but the day ended well with yummy Mexican food with my husband and a greater understanding of myself as I move forward. Resolve is a word that has captured my year so far. With just a few months til year's end, Resolve has been the perfect choice for 2022.

I want to thank Lynda Kennedy for her vision and care for my photos. Thanks for holding space for my past and bringing them into my future. To my makeup artist Corrine Boicelli who took an emotional, grieving woman and made me look beautiful. Great conversation too! My door is always open to talk about grief and loss. A reworked website is coming soon.

Here comes the rain...oh, wait, those are tears...Welcome, Fall.

The rain has come to Northern California; with it, the cooler weather has made me melancholy and brought a movement away from the pool-splashing days of summer into the cool crisp days of Fall. This year seems different. I'm trying to understand what's shifted and don't have the words yet to describe it, but it might have something to do with the grief training I've gone through and the completion of my loss with my mom and Evan. Although I have many other completions to do, my mom and Evan have significantly impacted the healing of my broken heart.

Recovery, for me, does not mean forgetting. On the contrary, recovery means remembering fond memories of those I love, thinking about them daily, and healing my heart from the emotional pain loss brings. I can confidently say that my training and understanding of completing my losses have been a game changer for me. Grief is cumulative, and when we realize loss's impact on us, it can transform if we allow ourselves the time and space to unpack it so we can heal. It starts with being fully honest and not criticizing or judging ourselves. It opens the door to being empathic and compassionate for ourselves and others who may be grieving. It also can be heartbreaking when you see people's pain, yet they cannot take the steps towards recovery.

As someone who has been a part of the small group movement, I've seen growth in myself. People's desire to change is genuine until a day and time are announced, and all of a sudden, obstacles start to arise. I recognize them cause I've seen that behavior in myself. I'm grateful that we ask people to commit to 1% of their recovery as part of the program. If you are willing to take a step toward what I can offer, I can bring the elements that can transform and help. I began my pilot group, and we just completed our 4th week of our gatherings. These folks not only have showed up they have begun to do the hard grief work that can lead them to the completion of their losses. I'm fortunate to have a program I can believe in and that I can share with others. I'm grateful for this group of grievers who have allowed me to walk with them as they begin to discover and heal. It is a privilege.

Being a Heart with Ears...The Grief Recovery Method

“Grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss of any kind.” TGRM

I recently returned from training as a Grief Recovery Specialist for The Grief Recovery Method, and as I promised, I wanted to share the experience in more than just a quick post. It was an experience that changed me, and I came away with great tools to help myself and others deliver undelivered emotional communications to complete the losses we have in our lives.

First, I have to preface this: I've tried many different programs, from faith-based programs to books and videos. None of those things brought me to the place I am today after completing the book and the training. I desire to use what I've learned to help others feel lighter and more complete with their loss/grief in a group or one-on-one.

I entered this training after a friend posted about the program on her Facebook page. The church she attended was hosting an 8-week class, and unfortunately, that class was located in SoCal. I looked on the website and found that the closest in-person class from Vacaville was in Reno, which was too far for me to attend. I reached out to my friend in SoCal, and she directed me to the Grief Recovery Specialist she knew, and the discovery process began for me. After that conversation with the Grief Recovery Specialist, I decided to get the book. I found another friend interested in doing the book with me, and in February, she and I started the book together and finished the book together in March. I felt strongly about continuing to help others as the book helped me so much, so I signed up for the specialist training in LA.

The work in Grief Recovery isn't easy. Emotional Communication is incomplete when we use our intellect to explain what is in the heart. Me, I felt isolated, frustrated, and misunderstood, so I returned to old behavior patterns. The Grief Recovery Method helped me recognize the patterns and, with that recognition, work on those painful feelings so that I could deliver the incomplete communication to complete my loss. I still have work to do and will continue to do the work on myself. I can say with absolute clarity that this program has changed me. It has given me a clear understanding of how much my grief and the losses I've had has slowly chipped away at who I am. My 100% is now operating at 60% or less, and I want myself back. I want to live the rest of my days complete and fulfilled. For those who are interested, don't hesitate to get in touch with me directly. I plan a pilot group shortly and would love to have you. I hope this was helpful, and I'm available to chat anytime.

Try a different way.

Since my surgery in 2020 every 3 months I go into San Francisco or Sacramento for my oncology appointments. Last year at this time for my trip to San Francisco I took several friends and we made a day of it. We had a lovely lunch and did the Van Gough experience. Alex met us and we ended the day doing sunset photos on Treasure Island. This year while in San Francisco I ventured out on my own and took a different route which took me to the place of fine arts, the Golden Gate Bridge and my favorite perfume store which opened in Larkspur. Lunch was amazing and now I’ll head over Highway 37 to home. If you have to go to San Francisco you should make the most of it. 

My Word for 2022

Resolve

1. settle or find a solution to (a problem, dispute, or contentious matter).

2. decide firmly on a course of action.

3. firm determination to do something. ~braveness~courage~spunk~steadfastness~persistence

Since Evan's untimely death, I've tried each new year to find a word that moves me into that coming year with the fortitude to continue the course Jesus has given me. Sometimes the word has popped out at me, and other times I've struggled to find the word. I then use that word to formulate a hashtag to track the year with its share of ups and downs. Above is the word that came to me for this year~Resolve. After the last two years, I am going into this year with the noun version of this word~braveness, courage, grit, and steadfastness. I resolve to live the life that God intended me to live, and I will continue to not live in fear of its outcome for me.

In years past while taking Christmas down, I watch the movie "Out of Africa." I started this tradition the last few years as it has come to symbolize the resolve I need to move forward and it speaks to the enormity of grief and loss I've endured. Towards the end of the movie, the female character who has lost everything many times over the course of the movie tells the male main character that when she wants to realize just how much she can endure, she imagines one more thing that can happen, and she's able to see just how much she can bear. She then, days later, endures another loss. It is poignant, and I can tell you that yesterday when I watched it, I remembered all that I've had to endure this year and over the last few years.

Yesterday was incredibly emotional for me for many reasons. Some dear friends came by yesterday to bring flowers and to thank me for helping with their wedding, and I cried when they arrived and cried after they left. Weeks and months of planning their wedding and all of that as I look through my lens of grief and loss as I resolve to be brave and courageous into 2022.