Tristan William Lee.....the smallest gifts bring such great joy.

I've been fortunate to have several dear friends who have had babies in the last month. Oh my goodness how I love watching new families move through the welcoming of an infant into their lives. So many new things to see and figure out not the least of which is feeding schedules and sleeping...oh precious sleep. 

I had the pleasure to go over to Blake and Chelsea's home to photography Tristan. He was just as sweet as when I saw him briefly in the hospital. He was already forming his own personality and was being watched over by his precious parents and grandparents. I'm grateful to Blake and Chelsea for allowing me to come over and be a part of such a major life event for their family. I've known Blake and his family for most of the 25+ years that I've lived in Vacaville and the fact that Blake and Evan have been friend through most of that time made this time of connection very special to me. 

Here are just a few of my favorites from the hospital and my home visit at about 10 days old with little Tristan William Lee Pullin....born three weeks early on January 25th, weighing 5 lbs. 11 ozs. and 18.5 inches long. 

First of many family photos. Much love to all of you. 

Sugar and Spice....Welcome Olivia Canalita Lahl~January 26, 2017

I really can't tell you how exciting it is to see new parents as they navigate the first 48 hours after having a newborn. So many things to discover and cherish, hurdles to overcome and challenges to push through. Just about two weeks ago I posted a Milk Bath Maternity session with Lindsey...I've included it here in this blog post just in case you missed it. Lindsey and I did that session at the beginning of January and she wasn't due until February. So when she started having contraction last week it looked like Miss Olivia would be arriving in God's perfect timing and Lindsey, David and all of their extended family could not be more excited to welcome her.

These are just a few of the photos captured during their first 48 hours as a new family. Both of you have included me in all...if not most of your life events and I am so thankful for your love and friendship. Your love for each other is so evident and Olivia is one blessed little girl to have you both as parents. Lindsey you bring such tenderness and nurturing...David always the confident protector and encourager. Thank you for share and including me in such a special and intimate time with your new family. I'm already so impressed by who you both are as parents. 

 http://www.dawnkincadephotography.com/my-adventures/2017/1/24/lindsey-lahlmilk-bath-maternity-sessionjanuary-2017

I know...she is so dang cute!!!

Moments in the busyness....Capture 2017

In the busyness of the last couple weeks I was trying to keep my head figuratively and literally above the water line. I saw so many rainbows but on some of the days life seemed to move along with out me even knowing that my life has changed. Last week I spent most of my days busy either at work or just going. I've found the more I go and do the less I stop and feel. In the stopping and feeling moments the weight of my loss is so acute that I can't breath. I want my old life back....with all of its flaws and imperfection because in that it seemed that the pain was far less.....the empty parts of my heart are filled and I don't feel so empty...so utterly and completely empty. I often wonder if I would have maybe not wasted my time on insignificant things....would I have looked more deeply....loved more largely....held on more tightly. 

Of course I know the answers to all of those doubts.....the grip that sometimes wants to suffocate the life that I want to live....the today that I am living. When I start to think about my today I begin to breath just a bit more. I see that the sun comes out...that although the loss is great the sun does shine even through the rain and fog. The loss....the sadness....the empty parts seem to find rest. I'm always so surprised how the sadness creeps in but never surprised to hear the Lord bring words of comfort to me. Doesn't change my situation it just gives me the strength to take one more step forward. I seriously don't know how you are suppose to live after such loss but for this moment and of the moments in between...I look expectantly to Him and the beauty that He has created for us. Check out the shot of the hummingbird with his tongue out...amazing.

For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!                                                            2 Cor 4:17 NLT

Lindsey Lahl~Milk Bath Maternity Session~January 2017

Every now and again I see something beautiful and I really want to try to recreate it. Most of the time that is easy cause I can find a landscape or a flower that I can photograph and off I go. It is so much harder when you have to find a model...a living breath person who is willing to allow you to have creative license with them on a shoot. I had been seeing all of these great photos on several websites for Milk Bath photography. Most of the time they are related to maternity or newborn sessions and I am so appreciative of the Milk Bath element for the delicate look and just the natural alluring aspect of this type of photo.

So after studying how I might be able to accomplish this style of photography and realizing I had the best location (our master bath has a great oval tub with a large window).  I then did some research on the elements of creating the Milk Bath....powdered milk vs. real milk, fake flowers vs. real, hot water vs. cold and every variation of this.... I was so fortunate to have a friend who is due to have her baby in just a couple weeks give me the opportunity to try out this type of photography. So on the first of January with all of the items needed and with her mom as my assistant we ventured into creating this lovely Milk Bath Maternity Session. Thank you for making the beginning of 2017 start off with so much grace and beauty. 

I want to thank the ladies at Stem's Florist for helping me choose the right flowers and greenery for these photos. I used powdered milk, cornstarch, and lavender essential oils. Thanks for trusting me to photograph you and for being such a willing model. If this looks like something you'd like to try, send me a message on Facebook or through my website. I look forward to creating a beautiful session with you.

Drying out from the rain....Capture 2017 Week 2

We have been under clouds of rain for the last week and finally in the last few days we have emerged to dry out and be outside. Although the dampness has caused a bit of ground fog it has still been nice to see the sun and although I LOVE the sun there is beauty to be appreciated in the rain and fog.  

The journey I'm currently traveling is a strange one for me. I have moment of great joy and happiness (the sunny days) and moments of such great sadness and tears (the rainy days) with moments of not knowing if I can see beyond the moment I'm in (the foggy days). Now I can use other analogies that are weather related...but these are the ones that are the most fresh....the here and the now moments. I suspect they are no different then what you probably experience on a weekly basis but I've found that I am much more contemplative~ watching...looking...observing. Trying to find Hope at a time when I feel rather lost and out of sorts.

We recently found a few of Evan's writings and I'm amazed at his work. So much depth. It's funny cause I too wrote much during my younger years. I guess we both had a lot of emotion that didn't have an outlet so we wrote. Most of those writings were born of pain and sadness. Evan's too have the same flavor...depth...sadness. Many though are quite spiritual....almost prophetic so to speak. I hope to add them as I post these updates to the Capture 2017. 

Contingency   

My heart never told my brain to have a contingency plan.

Landlines, locked down by strong winds,

pacified by semi-meaningful promises and

dual-fated illnesses, lack the structural integrity to hold out

and the floodgates burst wide.

Even the eye of the storm–mildly calm compared to

the rest of the sorrowful, cloudy night– is brainwashed

into thinking that it has to act as the rest of tempest must:

with vengeance till the last exhalation

and the floodgates burst wide.

Though I've dabbled in sailing and preparing safety nets,

it must've slipped my first mate's mind to prepare

my last line of comfort and consolation.

I am alone. No one can hear me. I am alone...

and the floodgates burst wide.

My psyche is lost in the tide.

I cannot get out.

 By Evan Kenneth Kincade    3/08

What will you capture next.....Capture 2017

Mother's Day Note 2016 

Back in May of 2016 my sons, Evan and Alex, took me out for a Mother's Day adventure to a beautiful place in the Piedmont Hills. We walked to the top of this hill and we could see all of the bay area from this place. They had thought through the day and made it all about the things that I love, taking photos, beautiful spaces, food and them. Later that day both of my sons wrote me lovely notes and challenged me that they looked forward to what I would "capture next". 

So I wanted to start my own journey of capturing what I see on a daily and weekly basis so that as I look back over 2017 with the hope of seeing what the world and creation was saying to me. My desire is to share my heart as I view life and the living of life that comes with seeing my world differently then last year. To put my thoughts and feelings in an open place that others will feel a connection to so that they will join me. Being expectant as I will be this year to see what God has for me and hoping that in some small way this will help with my broken heart. 

Fast forward to today,  January 11, 2017...our family has lost our son and brother, Evan....and life as we've known it will forever be changed. I will ALWAYS be the mother of two sons....the ensuing birthdays, Mother's Days, and all other holidays will look and feel different. I am grateful for my son, Alex, who is working and processing this journey along with his parents. Love my sons and I'm thankful for the 25 years, 11 months, and 4 days I had with Evan and for Alex who has been so attentive toward our care as we venture down this road we did not want or desire for our family. Look around...begin to see the world that surrounds you and capture it. 

Be expectant...Be intentional....#Capture2017

These photos taken since January 1, 2017.

The World as I see it as I Welcome 2017 and Say Good-bye to 2016

As our family wraps up 2016 and moves into the new year it would not be complete if we didn't take a moment to thank all of you for your thoughts, prayers, cards, emails, texts and most of all your love towards us. This community that God has given us has truly been a life line for us.  Losing Evan has been one of the hardest things our family has experienced and we want you to know that you have been a great source of light and hope for us. 

During the holidays we tried to create new memories while clinging to old traditions as we have faced many firsts already without our son and brother. It was difficult to not have Evan with us during this time of year as it has always been a time that we have gathered to celebrate. Although we tried hard to enjoy the company of family and friends something of course was missing and that something was Evan. Oddly for me when fun was involved and I was in the throughs of laugher or singing loudly or dancing to awesome 70's hits.....a sadness invaded me and tears would begin to fall. I felt a touch of guilt that Evan would not be here on this earth laughing, singing loudly and dancing and that brought sadness to me.

Many will say...he is dancing in heaven...yes I know and maybe in the future when I have wrestled with my feelings of loss maybe I will have the strength to look death in the face and not cry foul....but the reality is he is not here and heaven although real....is abstract to me and selfishly, I want to have him here......to hear his laughter...listen to him sing loudly and dance. The struggle is real for me as when I write this what does it say about my faith...what does it say about my heart....This is just my world and honestly, I just told my family last night...I get inside my head when this happens and it just isn't good......all this while tears are streaming down my face.....I'm glad that God is big enough for these things that I ponder and that he has provided me with a husband and son that are trying their best to love me while their hearts are breaking too.

As I move into this New Year somewhat reluctantly I would like to extent to you all the hope and joy that the New Year brings. We pray that you live each moment of each day with love in your heart. Enjoy those you love....As for me I am expectant to what the Lord is showing and teaching me in this season...I know that I am looking to be more intentional in 2017. Making every moment count....

".....Cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder".  

                                                               Romans 12:12 MSG

Our last family photo taken in Napa for my birthday. 

Snapshots from the first week of January 2017

God is in the every day.....be present.

I have been out sorts since about the third of November. As I look back over the last 45 days I'm trying hard to remember some of the everyday things that I stopped and photographed. On the 4th of November 2016 my life and the life of my family was changed forever. At 3:22am we were woken up to the sound of brisk knocking at our front door. When I looked through the shutters I saw two officers and realized that this could not be good news. Unfortunately it was not.....they told me that Evan had been in an accident and they needed us to come to Kaiser hospital. I woke up my husband and my son and we made our way to the hospital. I honestly don't remember much but some of the things I do remember is waiting what seemed like a life time before we saw Evan. I remember the strength with a bit of apprehension that my husband and my son displayed that day and through out our time in the hospital....and I remember how quiet it was...on the drive over...in the waiting room as we waited to see Evan. It was almost as if the Lord was putting a blanket over us....a tangible protection so to speak....so that we did not get to far ahead of ourselves. Anybody that knows me knows that (in my mind) I can go to places no one has gone before but on this day I was under the protection of the Lord who knows and sees all that is going on and I had great Hope about what was before us. Now....does that mean I was not scared...no I was totally scared. Was I not worried...OF COURSE I was worried but what I'm saying is even in the midst of being scared and worried....there was calm....quiet....a presence that only God can bring....from the moment I was woken up by the knock at the door and that has remained with me even now. 

The following moments...hours...days...weeks and now one month from Evan's passing have been a blur. So much love has been poured out on us from all over the planet. We have gotten over 300+ cards, along with emails, Facebook messages, meals, flowers...lots of flowers, more meals, hugs, words of encouragement and the list is endless as to the gifts and love that have poured our way. Really to say thank you seems so small for what has been given to us. I don't want to give this illusion that everyday has been rainbows and unicorns. It is not...I have lived in this community for over 27 years and there isn't one place that doesn't remind me of Evan....I cry frequently in public and in private.....but in that I also feel that presence that came to me that first moment when the knocking came at the front door. I hope in weeks to come to chat more about this journey as I've tried to express some of the things I believe the Lord has placed on my heart regarding loss, relationships, investing in people, and walking out our faith in the midst of great loss and tragedy. I hope to take what God shows me through the every day and move it out so that we can pondering together the beauty that surrounds us. I also want to take some of my son's writings and pair them with my photography to create a beautiful blending of two creatives using what has be placed in us to shine a light and send a smile.

To all of you who have walked with us....We love you. You're our tribe and you will never know what a blessing you have been to us. To those of you who know Evan I ask you to not forget. You carry a small piece of him with you and whether he would admit it or not that piece...that love...was Jesus. Love Well...Care often....Don't be afraid to be a zookeeper. 

Daniel Graves ~ 11/14/15 A Year Full of Milestones.

Daniel is celebrating turning a year old next month, one of many milestones he has reach this year. His parents wanted to capture this moment with a few photos that we took last week at the http://www.coolpatchpumpkins.com/

Daniel was just recently diagnosed with cerebal palsy and is working on fine motor skills. We used his chair to help him with sitting up and placed him in among the pumpkins.  He is so engaging, loves and responds to both Sarah and Jason with smiles. He needs glasses so that he can see details and I think he looks so cute with them. He and I giggled and had the best time together during this photo session.

Sarah shared with our church just recently about her birth experience and the struggles that Daniel is facing as a result. Sarah and Jason are so sweet with Daniel and he is so very precious. I've included their testimony with these sweet photo of Daniel. 

https://www.facebook.com/VCVacaville/videos/1316403748377872/

Thanks Jason, Sarah and Daniel for sharing this part of your journey with me and allowing me to photograph the love you all have for each other. It was a privilege. 

Celebrating a great accomplishment with my other family.....

Recently I had the privilege to accompany a dear friend from grade school and her family to the National Museum of African American History and Culture in Washington, DC. We've been a part of each others families since 6th grade and have stayed in touch for the last 40 years. Nadine and I have been through a lot together.....it seems that as each was going through a season the other was either on the other side or just beginning....we've watched our kids grow up and now I am watching her kids become parents. What a great honor to be included with her family and the nation for this historic event.  Nadine's sister, Dr. Renee S. Anderson, is the Head of Collections for the museum and has spent count less hours, days, weeks and years preparing for this museum and grand opening. As family, friends and community leaders came together on that Friday in September we were one of the first of many groups of visitors that would visit this beautiful museum.  I was in awe of the attention to detail that was not spared;  to the detail of the building, to the quotes that were used through out and every piece of clothing and art that was displayed. Not only was it beautiful, rich and sobering.... it was a gift to be included and to share this moment with my friend and her family.

Nadine and I were raise in Va. during the early 70's when friendships like ours were not necessarily easy. Many people were not open to crossing racial boundary but despite the world around us we became fast friends and some of our most treasured and trusted moments have been spent together. To be able to go to this museum with her and her family was very special. I am grateful to have been able to share it with her. The accomplishments made by Renee have been such a source of pride for Nadine's family and to see Nadine as a proud older sister was awesome. 

When we toured the museum it was still a week before the "Grand Opening" and many of the exhibits had not been completed. It still made a big impact on all of us and to walk around with Nadine's mother and see it through her eyes was really amazing. It was difficult for Nadine and early on in the tour she had to step away...we talked about it later the next day and it still was difficult for her to express how deep her feelings were for her people and the harshness and brutality they experienced. My hope is to go back with Nadine and her kids to experience the museum with them now that it is completed. 

These are a few of the photos from our time at the museum with her family. I have included a link to the website for the museum here:  https://nmaahc.si.edu  A special thanks to, Dr. Renee S. (Jackson) Anderson for her hard work as Head of Collections and for sharing such a beautiful piece of history with us and the world. 

Fall is knocking at the door.....

The last few days I've been preparing myself for my early wake up call on Saturday. It sort of helps that my husband has been getting up before the birds the last few mornings which is a great motivator. The world looks so different in the early morning hours, before the sun comes up. It as though the world is stretching and slowly rising from it's slumber. As I was sitting out by the airport this morning I felt a bit like an intruder to the peace that surrounded me. No planes taking off, no children scrambling to kick the soccer ball or throw a baseball. Just me and a flock of birds in a far off tree and a lone pheasant. For a moment as I was shooting it felt like I was in the Serengeti like you see in movies...but alas I was in Vacaville, near the Nut Tree Airport enjoying my Peet's Coffee and grasping a hold of the beauty right here. Enjoy the photos from the sunrise today.

The most beautiful memories are made in the kitchen.....

Photography has given me such great opportunities to meet new people and explore different cultures. I'm fortunate to have a great friend who is a volunteer for Slow Food Yolo http://www.slowfoodyolo.com. She includes me in all of the events that they sponsor and allows me to use my photograph skills for a useful and I believe greater purpose, in the case of Slow Food, to promote healthy eating and to purchase your food locally whenever possible. 

Earlier in the spring she invited me to come to a dinner that was being prepared by Meera Klein https://meeraklein.com. Meera is a local author whose first novel "My Mother's Kitchen: A Novel with Recipes" is a beautiful combination of her great storyteller and her love of cooking. Meera had the group that gathered for this meal captivated with her stories of family and her home in India. She is a beautiful person whose love for her family and traditions was so evident in the stories she shared with us. 

I was able to capture the meal prep, as everyone had a part to play. Meera is so comfortable explaining the stories behind all of the food items that were prepared. It was a lovely evening and I look forward to enjoying another evening of stories and food by this precious lady. If you are interested in learning more about Meera I've included her website (above) and her Facebook link. https://www.facebook.com/meerakleinauthor/

Church in the Park 2016

The ending of summer for me is Labor Day weekend. BBQ's, swimming and just one more late night outside watching the sunset and the moonrise. The one thing that always gets me ready for the end of summer is our Annual Church in the Park. This was our third year celebrating Sunday at Andrews Park.  Our congregation comes together and have a great time as a church body. It is a lot of work but is so much fun to see all of the people who attend at different times during any given weekend and we get to celebrate outside together. Although I dislike the end of summer, I love this time of reconnection before school begins. Thanks to all of the folks at Valley Church who make this Sunday event happen. 

On the hunt for the Sturgeon Moon....and a couple of other planets too.

Last night I made my way towards Dixon/Davis to capture the Sturgeon Moon http://earthsky.org/tonight/sturgeon-moon-lights-up-night-sky. I found an open field and was able to not only capture the moon rising but the sun setting. I was also able to find a few other planets. Enjoy!!

If you look closely there is an airplane flying through my photo. LOL.

This is the same airplane.

I believe this is Mars and Jupiter.

The Waxing Moon and Balloons over Vacaville

So thankful to live in a city that has so much open space that I can find beautiful things to photograph. Last night I was able to capture the waxing moon as it moves ever closer to the full moon. Here is a little help with the waning and waxing moon How to Tell Whether the Moon Is Waxing or Waning: 9 Steps. I was up early and caught a glimpse of these balloons coming in from Napa. So lovely, it was such a great start to the day and cool temperatures this early morning too. Enjoy these beauties!!

Family, Flashdance and Horseshoe Curve

Each Summer for the last few years I have had the privilege of taking my parents to my Dad's family reunion in Pennsylvania. Every year it is held in the small town of Altoona, nestled at the bottom of the beautiful Allegheny Mountains. It is also the next door neighbor to Holidaysburg, the home of the Slinky http://americanprofile.com/articles/home-of-the-slinky/ Both of my parents are from Altoona, which got a mention in the movie "Flashdance" and is home to the World Famous Horseshoe Curve. http://www.railroadcity.com/visit/world-famous-horseshoe-curve/. This year it was really sweet to have my mom with me in the car as we drove through old neighborhoods and heard stories of her childhood.

My dad, started his career with the Pennsylvania railroad in Altoona, after returning from serving in the Navy, on a submarine. It has been such a great experience for me to travel with them for so many reasons but the best reason is I have such fond memories of my visits to Altoona as a child. Both sets of grandparents lived and died here and it has been a beautiful thing to experience with my parents the place they have always known as "Home". 

This year, it was important for me to capture the moments not just with photos but with stories of my parents and their lives. To know the different yet interconnected ways that they saw themselves and how their siblings saw them. My son mentioned to me an app called https://storycorps.org which allows you the ability to interview people and take photos of the interview participants with your smartphone or tablet. The quality of the recording is great and you can send the interview content to the American Folklife Center at the Library of Congress to keep forever. 

Another great thing about these journeys has been to reconnect with my cousins, aunts, uncle and to just be family.  My Aunt, who has always been the organizer of these reunions, is having a harder time getting around. She has done such a great job of organizing these reunions and I so appreciate her desire to have the family come together. Although it was a hard trip for my parents we had the best time. My father looks forward to this all year long and he needed this time of connection as he was given a terminal diagnosis just two weeks prior to us leaving. This time spent with his siblings. nieces and nephew was so important for him. We again made the journey....traveling along the Blue Ridge Mountain and over the Allegheny Mountains....continuing to make memories as we go.

My Dad's Navy snapshot. This is not my photo but a scanned copy. Photo credit to the Navy.

My Mom as a young girl. This is not a photo that I took. This is a scanned copy of an original that photo.

This is the place is the home that my maternal grandmother lived for most of her days. I remember as a child looking out the window seat on the second floor and watching the traffic and sometimes the snow fall outside.

My Dad's childhood home.

Stained Glass Window

This window is so vivid for me from childhood. My grandparents home was so dark but this window would allow rays of color into the house and bright up the foyer.

The grave marker of my maternal grandparents in Altoona, PA.

Headstone of my paternal grandparents. Photo credit goes to my cousin Michelle. Thank you!

My childhood friend..

This is my oldest and dearest friend. We have known each other since 6th grade. The sweet baby in this photo is her granddaughter who I had the pleasure of photographing when she was born last year. Such a blessing for her to see my parents.

My Aunt Joyce.

My cousins and Uncle looking at old photos.

My Dad and Aunt.

The couple standing are my Aunt Donna and Uncle Gene. My Aunt Joyce is to the left, my mom is in the middle, my dad to the right. My parents just celebrated 60 years of marriage this last Memorial Day weekend and my Aunt Donna and Uncle Gene got married the same year one week later at the same church as my folks in Winchester, VA.

Talking and watching the Olympics in the lobby.

One of the many places along Interstate 81 where apples are a big Fall crop.

Mayberry, VA.

Figs, Flowers and Food...

Last night a couple of friends and I enjoyed a lovely meal alfresca in Napa. It was a perfect night  made more so by the celebratory tone as we were celebrating a friend's birthday. We enjoyed food, drink and very engaging patrons dining near us. We chatted with several other table about what they had ordered and gave our recommendations when asked. Our table was located near the open patio that overlooks the fountain, garden and vineyards. The sun was setting as we ate and pretty much this was darn near close to a perfect evening and one the I believe will look similar to one I shall enjoy when I am in Heaven. 

While we finished dinner I had the chance to grab my camera and walk through the garden and vineyard. The restaurant seems to use this garden for many of the dishes they prepare which made this a great example of garden to table. It was a plentiful garden full of fruits, vegetables and flowers. One of the trees in this garden was a fig tree. Figs are so beautiful, I know that they are fruit but they are just as lovely as a flower. Their skin is a lovely shade of green and when they are ripe the fruit is a warm shade of pale burgundy. They smell delicious and taste like the beginning and end of Fall. Crazy that I would be thinking about fall in the middle of summer but that is what the taste of figs does to me. I must have at least 3 perfumes that have fig as the primary notes. 

It was a lovely evening, enjoyed with great friends, loads of laughter and so much love.

Today I am thankful for the beauty that I have the pleasure of enjoying and the people that I get to share it with.....

Listening with your eyes....hearing with your heart...

"Storms make the oak grow deeper roots"   George Herbert

This week has been one that really has left me without words but not in short supply of feels....other then the fact that I've been trying to figure out a few technical issues I am having with my computer I've been very introspective. I've not been able to go out much and do much photography just because the computer thing has consumed me....but when I did go out I wasn't inspired...I wasn't moved. Now we all know that we can't always have inspiration...boy I wish we could. As I have sat and pondered the universe and how it is spinning...I have been listening with my eyes...to see the things that have been placed before me and to enjoy them without the need to "capture" them...that does not mean that I haven't captured them I just want to lean in more.....be a part of the spinning universe...to hear with my heart. That said, for today, I will continue to lean in....I will continue to listen with my eyes, and hear with my heart....